you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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