Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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