I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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