the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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