My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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