the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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