Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
