But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
