shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
