I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
