I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
