Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
