Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
