i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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