She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
