Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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