dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
