I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you win again, gameday.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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