The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
