I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
