goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
