So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
