I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
