There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You have to summon your inner elephant
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
