I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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