you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
