we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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