it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
