Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
