All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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