wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
