Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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