The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
