did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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