...so i touched it.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
