the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
