I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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