dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My cat gives me a boner
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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