I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
