Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So many bounce houses so little time
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
