This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
