nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
