3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
