Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
