the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
