I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
