Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
