dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Randomize
