Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
