I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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