if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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