I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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